Funny thing about having various struggles in life; a person can find themselves in a competition they didn’t even know existed. No one wins any real prize. There are very few teams, some occasional walks or 5k’s, and maybe an ice bucket or two. I’m sure y’all have had someone try to compare their stats with yours.
Depressed? Well so-and-so is SO depressed she hasn’t left her bed for six whole months! AND she’s been fighting depression for two whole decades! Clearly that person wins in being depressed, right? Your depression isn’t as real and you have less sadness cred. You now have no room to talk about your struggles because they aren’t nearly as bad as someone else’s. Keep all that to yourself and count those blessings.
Marital issues or blended family problems? Let me tell you a story about this other guy whose ex was. the. worst! She used their kids as spies to overthrow a government in a military coup just to get back at the guy. Or this other lady whose spouse cheated with every single lady on their street and then wrote a book about it. Then he asked her to be his copy editor and that’s how she found out about the rampant infidelity. There is no way your marital or blended family issues could even compare!
Do you have a special needs kiddo? That family over there has four special needs kiddos AND they all have at least three different diagnosis’s EACH! Their family life is so. much. harder. than yours. Their kiddos need more adaptations in school, spend more time and money with medical care, and have more developmental delays than your child. You have no idea how lucky you have it so don’t even try to commiserate. Your family’s hardship doesn’t even compare to theirs so keep all that to yourself and count those blessing because that other family clearly wins.
Chronic medial need? Diabetes, back injury, other mental or physical distress that constantly plagues you and takes up far more of your life than you’d like? There are other people who have it so much worse and you aren’t even close to being in the running for most soul crushing chronic ailment. Stand aside and let others tell you how bad it could be and count your blessings.
At least you aren’t like those other people who have it far worse than you, right?
So who wins?
I hate the “one-up” thing that folks just seem to do. I may find myself doing it too and it drives me crazy! (I can say that because I’ve had experience being crazy…you don’t even know how hard it can be.)
Your shit is still rough. Their shit is still rough. We all have our stuff. Maybe we can just help each other up instead of putting folks down because their struggle isn’t nearly as hard as yours.
At least you don’t have to copy edit your spouses infidelity while your step kids pull off a military coup as a way for their mother to get back at their father. No one can compete with that.