So anyone not currently in a coma knows that the current global political climate is a bit tense. A bit more than tense. Okay, it is scary as hell! And a certain stale Cheese Doodle in Chief is not helping. Stirring a boiling pot of toxic waste and pigeon poop tends to make things worse. Someone should let him know that. My guess? No one he considers advisers will. I sure as hell know Fox and Friends won’t. All hail the Evil Oompa Loompa and his nefarious band of henchmen. *lockstep and salute* Clearly this isn’t great for the super anxious sort. I can jump to the worst possible outcome in a single bound. It’s one of my many talents. I never could have imagined we would end up here. So what do I do?

Google gas masks.

Yep. That’s the best place to start. I need to get all my ducks in a row so that in the event of a chemical weapon discharging in my neck of the woods, my family will be able to keep their lungs intact. This, of course, includes the dog.

Given that chemical weapons made their first starring role in the Great War and was uber prolific in WWII, I expected a plethora of doggie gas masks available for purchase. The shear number of photographs with man’s best friend looking like a canine version of the “Are You My Mummy” boy from Dr. Who make me think I should easily pick up a few for my sibling’s dogs too. This is not the case. Just so you know. There are great enclosure bags for kennels that cost around $400 for the larger breed of pup and there are some interesting DIY mask instructions on a couple of survivalist websites. Nothing in the, I just want to quickly slip this on a go about my daily walk in a cloud of sarin gas. Cuss.

When I brought up the need to purchase protective gear for everyone (including the Muppet), the spousal unit was less than impressed by my urgency. Seriously! Blah Blah Blah, we aren’t going to end up living in a post apocalyptic tribal society that feeds on blood and brains, Blah Blah Blah…or something like that. I stopped listening when I realized I didn’t think about the zombies that will be created by a new Chemical X. I need to convert the Subaru into an armored assault vehicle. Do you think they sell kits on Amazon?

Big D’s reason for not sounding the alarm? Because his parents already went through this sort of panic in the 90’s and built a bomb shelter, complete with air filtration and food storage, and nothing happened.

Now I need to research how to convert a crawl space into a high tech underground panic room/bomb shelter. Wish me luck!

(rando side note…total deja’ vu right now)

 

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