There’s a saying in Utah: “If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes.” It’s a statewide inside joke and it’s not too far from the truth. A week in Spring can go from close to 90 degrees Fahrenheit to below freezing, rain to sleet to snow. Hell, I’ve been pelted with ice marbles on an otherwise sunny day. You can ski in the morning and golf in the afternoon. I think that’s why so many of us Utahns (Utahites, Utards, Utahnians?) are either super adventurous or pray to God. You never know what life will throw your way so if you don’t like it, wait five minutes or pray it’ll be over soon, or both.

Right now, my kiddo is Utah in Spring and I’m not feeling very adventurous so I guess I’ll be praying to whatever deity will listen.

T’s medicating doctor was thinking that his prior meds may not have been helping enough with his anxiety (sorry bud), depression (again, sorry kiddo), and overall stress level (seriously Dude, I’m super sorry about that). I thought he was plodding along nicely with a few bumps in the road. I don’t have a doctorate and a child psyc practice so what do I know. On to a different drug. I hate giving my dude drugs. I know it helps with the internal imbalance that comes with all the things Autism but I still can’t like it.  I feel like I’m letting him down somehow by giving him prescribed doses of “Come on Get Happy” or “Chase Your Cares Away”. I know I’m not. I know that we are doing everything we can to help him learn to navigate this world of NT’s (neurologically typical types)  and all the unsaid rules that come along with that. Even knowing all of that, I really can’t like dosing the Dude.

Anywho…the switcheroo has upended Mr T’s brain noodle and now he’s feeling all the things all at once and it makes his days terrible, horrible, no good and very bad. I know this will take a while for the chemical compounds to work their voodoo and level his brain chemistry back out. I know that if it doesn’t work I need to call the doctor and chat about different options. I also know that my door hinges probably can’t take anymore slamming and my heart can’t take anymore breaking. But if I don’t like the current mood I can wait five minutes.  I also know how he feels.

I had a drug swap not too long ago that made my world go off kilter. I understand why we were trying something new and I can tell ya, new isn’t always improved. The stuff I was taking for my OCD symptoms was causing my taste buds to play tricks on me. Everything tasted like dirty Styrofoam. There were other side effects too but my food playing tricks on me was the most random. Plus side, I dropped 20 lbs in a month. Problem with taking me off the stuff and trying something else all together was all the sensory overload that I had become used to in my day-to-day came rushing back all at once.  That made my days terrible, horrible, no good and very bad. So back on the old pill I go until we can figure out something new. Both T and I are new to the pharmaceutical game. Neither one of us knows which type of pill will act as a band-aide while we work on healing in a more permanent way. I also wonder if it’s even worth it at times. Feeling things can be an amazing experience. Having emotions isn’t always painful. Having weeks of feeling nothing also blows chunks. So for now, I’ll wait five minutes and see if T is in a better place. Or I’ll pray. Or both.


(Just so you know, I will always run posts this personal by the kiddo. He has every right to object to some or all of the post and I respect that. I did edit some of this post per his request. Consent is more than just about sex. Consent is respect and it’s mandatory.)

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